Goodbye

I’m moving.

Not really moving moving, but my blog is moving.

Here. jinblossom.blogspot.com

It just seems like time for a change.

I started this blog as Mama, more when Lena was almost a year old, just starting to talk, and the one word she knew in sign language was “more”, and when she would ask for more, she would let the her appellation for me run together with the word “more”, leading to these plaintive calls of, “Mama, more? Mamore? Mamore?

And at the time that was just so important. My daughter demanding more, the most, from me. And this still is the most important thing. But, as I’m learning, there are other things, too. (Like, reality television and YAF novels!)

So you may have noticed that Mama, more has been slowly evolving in name and in form, now to Welcome to the nerf herders.

Welcome to the nerf herders is partly homage to Alex. For calling my daughter a “nerf herder” and making her laugh endlessly. Welcome to the nerf herders is an evolution of sorts. If Mama, more was about me facing the immediate demands of motherhood, Welcome to the nerf herders is about me finding my niche, with Lena and with all of the intricacies of relationships that come with being a young parent. Or, you know, a nerf herder.

So without further ado, Welcome to the nerf herders.

Thanks for sticking around here, and reading. I hope you’ll join me for my next adventure.

Love,

Rachael

A mother’s prayer

click for source

A mother’s prayer

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be beautiful but not damaged, for it’s the damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the beauty. When the crystal meth is offered may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half and stick with beer.

Guide her, protect her:

when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from acting but not all the way to finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes and not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the drums to the fiery rhythm of her own heart with the sinewy strength of her own arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a tiger flower blooming magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers and the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, for I will not have that shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a mental note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

–Tina Fey

New adventures for fall

5 more things

That you might not know I’m really fascinated by. 

1. North Korea. I am borderline obsessed with North Korea. It fascinates me! That a pure dictatorship can exist like that. That they can keep their population totally brainwashed and under control. Or, you know, maybe not, because we don’t know that anything that comes from there is true. Here’s a great documentary that Vice did on North Korea.
2. The Amish. Ok, I won’t immediately draw a parallel from North Korea to the Amish, but I just think societies that live within their own microcosm of, you know the entire rest of the world is really cool to me. Also related: Mormons, crazy villages in the middle of the Amazon that have never been contacted by the outside world.
3. Crystal Meth. So I watched Breaking Bad, and then I was like, holy shit, could I make crystal meth? (Answer: No.) but the chemistry was really intriguing. Plus, then I found this article, about the crystal meth epidemic in North Korea. My brain almost exploded.
4. Tea Party Republicans. Oh so there is a theme here.
5. Britney Spears. For anyone that cares to listen, I have a lot of opinions regarding Miss Spears. In another life I would totally do an honors thesis on the rise and fall of Britney, and I totally think that her first marriage in Vegas was a cry for help in leaving the entertainment business, and that she subsequently had kids for that same reason. And now people have forced her back in to make more money, and she clearly doesn’t want it. Uhhh….so, no…I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about Britney Spears, in case you were wondering.

Sunset on Spy Rock

Glory days

I missed my window for choosing what Lena was going to be for Halloween. (Was there ever a window?)

In any case, if I had any say, Lena would have been Max from Where the Wild Things Are for Halloween. Plus I would have been able to make a sweet sweet costume.

via etsy

 

Instead, when asked what she wants to be, Lena will alternate from a variety of animals, then demanding that we all go as a family of dragons. Until finally landing on….a circus queen.

Lena wants to be a circus queen. And has stuck with that for the past couple of days, which pretty much means it is a Real Decision.

How the heck do I make a costume for a circus queen? I’m thinking cape and wand-ish thing, and maybe I’ll buy a tutu and make a crown and call it a day. But most of all, Lena, this is not a cool costume. Maybe I’ll just convince her to be a dinosaur…

via esperrygood

Nothin’ better

5 things

5 things you might not know about me

1. I really like serial crime fiction novels starring a male, loner, military veteran. Seriously. I read three religiously: Harry Bosch, Jack Reacher, and Walt Longmire. These are the only hardcover fiction books I will generally buy. Because I really like them.
2. I love cottage cheese. I can eat it straight from the container, I can eat it with anything, Alex makes cottage cheese pancakes, and I’ve been known to add it to scrambled eggs and regular pancake batter. I. Love. Cottage. Cheese.
3. My favorite online work distractions are…fashion blogs. Which you would probably not be able to tell by the way I dress.
4. I like dramatic television shows more than I like comedic ones. I just never got into The Office. And I know that 30 Rock is funny, but I just…I never got in the habit of watching them on TV. (Netflix, on the other hand, is a whole ‘nother story.) My Thursday night TV line up will always be Grey’s Anatomy over Parks and Rec. I know. I’m weird.
5. I don’t like writing on the computer.  No, I know what you’re thinking, this is writing on a computer, but my first urge is always to write drafts of things on paper. I understand that computer is the way to go now, blogging, ease of editing, track changes, etc, but there is still nothing like putting pen to paper, and writing.

Judgemental

In high school I did an Outward Bound program where we got to go hiking in the NC mountains for 10 days, and then we came back and did a service project. We went to an elementary school in our district and did a three week session on stereotypes, complete with team building activities. It’s interesting to hear how kids encounter prejudices and how they process them. In short, kids are way more observant than you would think. There was this one little girl, cute-as-a-button blonde haired blue eyed kid, who raises her hand when we were sharing times where we thought we were unjustly stereotyped, and says, “My daddy drives a Hummer, and whenever we go to Weaver Street Market, people stare at us and give us looks.”

To which I turned to my partner, who was leading the discussion with me, and we both thought, “Guilty.” Because I stare at people that drive Hummers because what could you POSSIBLY need a Hummer for, you live in CHAPEL HILL, and they get like 7 miles to the gallon.

So I try to reign in my snarky side, the sarcasm, the snap judgements that are unjustly deserved (except sometimes are), because some people surprise you.

There are some that I just can’t help but judge you on.

People that drive Hummers. I still cannot get over this.

People that go to Duke/root for Duke.

People that are vocally snobby about food and alcohol. I feel like if you have to talk about being a foodie, you’re not a foodie. Also, I like microbrews with the best of them, but sometimes a PBR just hits the spot.

I actually had this great encounter at my board meeting the other day. I was talking to one of the moms, and the conversation went something like this.

Me: So do you work for UNC?
Other Mom: No actually I work at Duke.
Me: Oh.
Other Mom: I actually went there for undergraduate.
Me: Oh. Visibly judging
Other Mom: Most people are surprised to hear that when I tell them.
Me: Somewhat relieved I was thinking just that!
Other Mom: Usually it means, “Oh I’m that’s funny, you don’t seem like a complete asshole.”
Me: I think we’re going to be friends.

Best Books: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Oh hey there. Since reading is good and all, I’m going to start a little series of my list of best books. For Me and L alike.

First up, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Image via Goodreads

One time, when I was really pregnant, I was house sitting for my parents, sleeping awkwardly on my side in their bed (mine was at my apartment in carrboro), and it was late late at night (or early early in the morning), and I called the one person that I knew would be awake. The now-boyfriend but then-friend, Alex. And Alex, for all those who know him, is a great talker if you get him at a good time. And I had caught him when he was finishing up a piece of artwork, and I was feeling exceptionally alone and out of sorts, so Alex talking about anything was the most welcome thing in the world.

He told me about the piece he was working on, a little bit about school, and then he began to tell me about his favorite book as a child, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day which is just about perfect with it’s heavy repetition of the title (good for little ones to fill in!), the perfect thing to hear after terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

And I didn’t really give it a second thought until I received it as a gift for my baby shower, by good friends Charlie and Christel, and it came up again. And it’s perfect in it’s simplicity. The title character, Alexander, is having a really crappy day. (He doesn’t get the toy out of the cereal, the sneakers he wants are sold out, he gets punished for something his brother did, the elevator door closes on his foot, etc.) And he wants to move to Australia. And at the end, his mother calmly tells him that some days are just like that, even in Australia.

This is such an important thing to learn, for little kids, when everything is the worst thing that happens. And for me to remember, when a bad day is the worst day and work sucks and I can’t even imagine going back, so I hope Lena learns this, and I can’t tell you how many times I shut the door of my car, walk to the back door to take Lena out, and I just say to myself, That was a terrible horrible no good very bad day, and another part of me responds, Some days are like that, even in Australia, and then there’s this swooping feeling as memory rushes in, of over 4 years ago, feeling so alone and scared holding on to my phone in the middle of the night, and Alex saying from so far away, it will be ok, and damn, if a kids book can make a person feel all that, it must be a good one.