The best part about going away

March 15, 2011 § Leave a comment

The best part about going away is coming back.

As Alex and I strolled down the promenade, jk, we were like, walking on the sidewalk, I was doing my normal random musings like, “I love being a mom” “we’re growing up”, I know, get a new tag line, right? And there are some horse drawn carriages and Alex says, “Remember that time in France when your dad tried to take Lena on the carriage ride?” And I laughed, because I did, and then because Alex proceeded to do this great impression of Lena really-really-wanting to go on the horse drawn carriage ride and then getting within ten feet of the horses and then freaking out. She ended up with a stuffed toy horse and an ice cream cone.

And then I thought, wow, I love that crazy little bean, but you know what? I’m ok right now, without her. I mean, I’m not enjoying this beautiful day in Charleston, South Carolina, because I’m longing for my child, you know? And I know, I’m describing this really inarticulately because I swear when I was telling Alex this there were tears in my eyes as I just thought, I don’t miss Lena right now, per se but instead, it’s better than that, because Goddamnit, I love that kid and I cannot imagine my life without her.

And then I come back, from being away for a while. (Two days, this ain’t a tour of duty or anything.) And Lena has changed so much. She’s more grown up, when she goes to hug Alex first. She’s the same, but she’s different. Little gestures, like putting our water glasses together. She fell off her booster seat, and the dining room table gave a collective intake of breath and Lena quickly declared, “I’m okay.” And we all dissolved into laughter. Lena demanded tickles from Alex then asked, “Are you going to sleep with us tonight?”

Lena’s acting more and more like a little kid each day. She even sleeps in a big bed now. No more crib. I check on her before I go to bed, and she’s asleep, head on the pillow, tucked into the covers, her giraffe’s head peaking out next to her. All of the sudden, growing up.

I better start going to bed early, knitting and listening to NPR.

…oh wait…


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