summer time

August 18, 2010 § 1 Comment

So, I went on this big trip this summer with Alex.

We went to Stockholm, and Copenhagen, on a whim. You know, we kind of wibbled around as to where we would go, and we both had thoughts and ideas, and Alex traveled pretty extensively around Scotland after his study abroad program, and since we were already going to France, the conversation sort of went like, “Scandinavia? Why the hell not?”

It was an adventure. Really different from any place we’d ever been. Stockholm was incredibly beautiful. There was sunshine all the time. Our hostel had really good breakfast. The pizza was good. Oh yeah, and socialist countries are really effing expensive. But we were together in a new place for the first time ever.

Copenhagen was really cool. It was more our speed, literally. Bikes everywhere! I completely randomly chose this super cool artsy hotel, and it was in the most perfect part of town. A block away from the old town, a block away from Tivoli, the amusement park, and it was really cool.

Every room was different. Ours was cool. A little spooky every now and then but we got used to it, and it was really fun.

We spent a ton of time just walking around and shopping and eating yummy street food. (Amazing hot dogs, waffles and nutella, yummy girly hard ciders)

And then we went to Tivoli, and stayed until closing. It was a really cool amusement park. There were a ton of rides, and unlike the big american theme parks, the rides didn’t last that long, so the lines moved super fast, but the rides were fun, oh were they fun. We went in loops, upside down, we went on swings hundreds of feet above the city. It was amazing.

Oh yeah, and then we went to IP3.

And then we went to France.

Lena had a great time, blah blah blah. Seriously, my face muscles have frozen in a permanent “Wah-Hoo!” face in responding to people asking how Lena liked France. SHE HAD AN AMAZING TIME. SHE IS AN AMAZING KID. I’m almost getting bored with that fact.

Blasphemy! Just kidding. She is doing great though.

It’s getting a little more interesting, her growing up and all. She’s funny. She’s empathetic. She’s smart, and she says things like. “Alex is better at taco, but you can still do tickles.” And I just fall in love with her every day. It’s hard though too. There are a few things I haven’t figured out, but I’m working on them. Sometimes I forget that I’m 22, and Alex is 24, and Lena is growing faster than ever. Sometimes I forget that I’m not 19 or 20. Like part of my life stopped when I had Lena. No, that’s not exactly what I mean, but something like it. Life is moving so fast, and sometimes I don’t think I stop to give myself, or those around me, enough credit for helping me through this.

So, here’s to you, Mom and Dad, for graciously giving up the new addition as Lena’s play room, for trading solitude in the morning for echoes of laughter throughout the day, gosh, for giving up bathroom privacy again, for this little one. For supporting me, unconditionally, while I find my way. (I think I’m at least headed in the right direction!)

Aspen, you’re up here too. Thank you, for your patience and forgiveness and understanding, in everything from, well, everything we’ve been through, and counselling me on all matters from financial to school and to real estate. (Seriously, anyone looking to move to Durham? Talk to this girl, she will tell you all about what food truck to eat from to what magnet school to try to get your kids into.)

And Alex. Alex Alex Alex. This kid. Have you guys met this dude? He’s a pretty amazing guy. I can’t say enough about you, or even to you. I want to say that the highest praise must be the love and respect that Lena gives you, that you’ve captured her heart along with mine, but while that’s true, you know, it’s not the most important thing. Not right now, that is. Not for us. Right now the most important thing is you and me, and we forget that a lot, I think. And you and me? We’re going to be okay. To say the very very least.

It’s hard work, being a mother, for sure. It’s hard work to keep up with friends, to drag myself out at night, to get Lena dressed in the morning and ready to go out, but it’s all worth it.

And the thing I’ve learned most from being a mother? I’m allowed to have multiple “most important things”. I’ve just realized that I can look Lena in the eye and tell her that I love her more than anything in the world…and you know what? I can say the same thing about Alex. I’m a mom, dammit. When I became a mom, my heart grew too big to fit in just one body, so I share it. Lena is my heart, Alex is my heart. This is the most amazing feeling in the world, having hearts beating outside your body. It is scary, exhilarating, inspiring.

This is what it means to be in love. Love is the ability to love as many things in as many ways as possible. Hell yeah I just used the word in the definition. I dare you not to.

I have everything to give, and I want to give it.

For now, simply, my thanks.


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