the this and the that

January 29, 2010 § Leave a comment

I read somewhere that having kids is like having your heart outside of your body. I thought this was a great succinct description. Every day when I go to work, my heart goes to day care, where she will play, color, sing, dance and read. Every night I gently bathe my heart, then sing to her, then tuck my heart into bed. And every night my heart sleeps quietly in the next room, every night my last thought going to sleep is of my heart.

There have been a lot of themes in my life since having Lena. Choice, is one of them. Do I choose to love her? Does she choose to love me? Do I want that choice? There is the family that is chosen for us, there is the family that we choose. But do we even choose those we fall in love with? Those who have their own hearts, their own hearts with their own minds walking around on their own?

There are times like this, imminent snow on the horizon, when my hearts are torn. One heart is here, the other is there. Do I leave one and choose another? How do I choose? Who do I trust my hearts to? Will my heart forgive me?

This will be the last I say on the matter.

Hi, my name is Rachael, I have three hearts, that is all you need to know. If you ask me how I have come by all of these hearts, I will probably smile and say that it is a wonderful, magical, ever-changing story.


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